fix yourself

I am not the one whom you search for
playing silence
wishing for a darker, more conservative appeal
the way everything falls out
I feel
almost as though I cannot be real
because everything that I am given to is but a dream
the dedication and the sweat
and the acrid scent of rain
waiting is a joke
journeys are imagined
trails
winding through your mind
what you are looking for is already there
what I am is a self deficiency
patching up the holes and tears
created by a desperation
if you are looking for it, it is not there,
If it cannot be found,
then what do I care?
I'll spell it out.
only you can find yourself
and only you can see the deficiency
and it's a leak only you can fix
but until then

drip

d
..r
....i
.....p

d
r
i
p
.

Proteins Denatured

Watching proteins denature
Brings on a strange feeling
Of guilt and necessity.
That which was once clear
Is no longer,
What once was fluid
No longer flows.
Sometimes the static fills my head
In the late hours of the night
The words are illuminated
And are almost aflame
And the proteins denatured
Are the fuel to my fire
And my latent, deep-seated ire
Barricades me from sleep.
The stolen lives
That fuel my own:
Have chickens ever been greater than man?
And has one man ever been
Better than another?
What lends to this caste system-
Arbitration or skill?
Some combination thereof
Makes the differentiation
Between the heroes and the fools.
A formula of so many variables;
It’s impossible to tell.
But the denaturation of proteins
Is merely the application of heat:
The slow frying of eggs
Late at night.

wait and linger

Condescension and repression
waiting around, concussed
inflection making everything into a threat
sick waiting,
sick of playing
concentration, never ready
don't you see, don't you see
the one you want cannot be me

what do you want
how can you know
everything that i hide,
that i abide by
can't you see, can't you see
the one you want, it is not me

where are we
oh can't you see
the things you want,
they are not free
so why wait and linger
there is no cost
when you leave
and when you're lost
won't you see, won't you see
the things you want,
they are not free

would you say that you are free?
do you believe in what you see?
the one you want, it is not me
and while you decide to fight or flee;
the one you want
it is not me

To fall away

Every day another something falls away,
and I cannot, ever, seem to say
That I wish for it to remain, to stay.

Every damned moment, hark,
these ones who've dwelt within the dark,
'tis not your soul they wish to mark.
and 'tis not your ears in which they bark,
"Every day another something falls away."

The gravity will not relent,
even when all resistance's spent,
and the scream torn from your throat is rent,
"Don't fall away, don't fall away."

Once on the coldest winter's night,
the dark rang out with sounds of fight,
and there was only wrong, and nothing right
and the angels begged until their flight,
"Don't fall away, don't fall away."

Through the shining, shining snow,
as only you would ever know
about where it is that we all go,
when they say, "Don't fall away, don't fall away."

It took an honest man to lie,
and for me to see a child cry,
while everyone waits, to see Death die,
and for all the poets to dare to sigh,
to understand, to fall away.

All my lonely

Don't you feel the empty,
gnawing, gnashing
like the waves.
All my lonely
all my hope
Everythig you can't see
Everything I believe in
You cannot see it
all my lonely
Could you feel it
Icaris' awe at the heat of the sun
and the quenching coldness of the sea.
The shock isn't so bad,
in retrospect,
I have never really been lonely.
I have never truely been alone.
Why should this matter,
alone or surrounded
how can I care
if this doesn't matter
Who does care?
What makes them different
What is lonely?
What is cold,
hollow,
pulsing?
A feather flutters faster

F
A
L
L
I
N
G
The sinking stone
the sinking son.
Dedalus knew and understood.
You can't prevent the foolishness
But you can try to warn against it.
All my lonely
is like bereft
with no-one left but god.
Wandering worlds, wishing for release
The sun and the sea
were like fate
Photons and salt
until the end.
The tower is empty,
Broken, scattered
people are left to face the earth,
the salt,
the son.

I can't see you if you are not there

Version A:

I can't see you if you are not there
can't fear you
no, that isn't fair.
Deny it,
but the reason's unclear.
If I still love you
and you are not here.
For my sake, now,
what would I dare
To lie and to try and compare.
Beliefs are like dusting,
they're often forgotten
And I can't see you if you are not there.

Version B:

I can't see you if you are not there
Can't love you
no, that isn't fair
if only because you still care
deny it:
but the reason's unclear.
if I can't see you,
are you still here?
For my sake, now,
what would I dare
to lie and to try and compare.
beliefs are like dusting,
they're often forgotten
And I can't see you
If you are not there.

face it.